My darling, little sister surprised me this week by writing another guest post for our blog. I’ve been so swamped with school work lately that its been hard to find free time to write. I’m so grateful for her willingness to share in my absence.
How is it that the Lord knows exactly when to intervene in our lives? He knows exactly when to jump in and save the day and He knows exactly how to save us from despair. Until then, we often times are left to wait patiently and have faith that He knows exactly what He is doing. However, these are often the times I doubt that He remembers me and I doubt that He is near or that He even cares about the trials I am facing. Brothers and sisters, it is during these times that we must understand that He is simply testing our faith. We face trials daily as a test to see where our focus is and who we are putting in control of our lives. I choose Jesus!!
This past month I have been put to the ultimate test. For a while now I have faced mental battles that I cannot even begin to explain. I suffered from spurts of depression and often times felt lonely and completely helpless even in a crowded room of people. It is now that I realize that this was simply because I wasn’t allowing myself to be completely filled with the Spirit, but instead I was letting Satan form these strongholds in my life and although I was crying for help, I felt like no one was listening. I knew counseling was an option, but if you know anything about me I am a very stubborn person. I wanted to figure this out on my own, but soon realized that it was next to impossible.
Psalm 142: 2-3, 5-6
“I pour out my complaint before him: before him I tell my trouble. When my spirit grows faint within me, it is you who knows my way….I say, ‘You are my refuge, my portion in the land of the living.’ Listen to my cry, for I am in desperate need.”
Why cry out to the Lord? I have discovered that literally getting on your knees and verbally crying out to the Lord is a freeing experience. We do this so we can somehow reach a point of rest and experience a mind at peace. Through these mental battles with the devil I often felt like I was completely helpless and getting absolutely nowhere no matter how many times I prayed for healing. I desperately wanted these obsessive thoughts to end and to experience a free mind concerned about nothing but serving the Lord and spreading His Word, fulfilling my purpose here on earth. However, Satan was throwing too many obstacles at me and I was growing very weary. But I knew my only choice was to continually breakdown to the Lord and release everything on Him…then sit patiently and trust His timing and His perfect plan and put my faith in God alone. This idea of “God alone” is something that I struggle with daily. It is God alone that could heal me from this battle and mental torture that Satan was throwing at me. Only through Him could I experience freedom.
I desperately wanted to live a life free from this burden and free from these thoughts that were tearing apart my mind and not only having an effect on me and my relationship with the Lord but also the relationships with my friends and family. This was the last string…as I lay on my floor one night after an hour with the Lord I knew I had to just continue to pray daily and put my hope in Him to heal me completely. Once again I want to express how incredible I think it is that God shows himself to be present in our lives in all kinds of ways: through people, through events and opportunities.
As I sat in church on Sunday recently, the pastor was giving a sermon on 1 Peter and he made it very clear that trials and suffering is part of being a Christian. When we accepted God into our lives he did not promise a painless, effortless or easy walk with Him. He made it clear that we would definitely be faced with trials, but promised that He would equip us with Holy armor and teach us how to handle our suffering. He promised to never leave our side and to protect us from our enemies. The pastor taught that in times of trial we must write it down, refrain from asking why but instead ask what…ask the Lord what He is trying to teach us through these hard times…ask the Lord what good can come of this. The purpose of this sermon was to teach that as Christians we are not to fixate our thoughts on the immediate things of this world and the daily things that we are faced with, but rather give these struggles to the Lord and fixate our minds on Jesus Christ and the resurrection to come…our eternal, beautiful life with Him. Rest assured, brothers and sisters, that we know the end result of our life here on earth…we KNOW what happens at the end of the road…we do not have to sit and wonder where we will be when all is said and done. Jesus Christ promises to return and all who are His followers will be invited to join His Kingdom eternally!!
Overall, I’m not completely cured. Satan still finds ways to mentally attack me and make me feel weak. However, these times of trial are good reminders of exactly who I am and in whom my hope and faith is rested upon! These times remind me that I am a bold, strong and courageous woman of God and I am ready to fight the good fight!
2 Timothy 1:7
“For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline”.
Sometimes you get news that breaks your heart. And while I’m not at a point where I’m able to talk about that news (due to the privacy of the other people involved), the bad news I received made me do a lot of thinking.
